Business?

It has been quite a while since I last opened this account. So many things have happened between my last post and this. I don't exactly know what happened in some of those days. All I know is that I'm through dealing with all those. It was just too much of a stress, not what I would call happy. So I left that part behind and flew to Australia, spent two months making myself useful, pulling myself together, making connections and new (better) friends.

Hilabtanon. ¡Il putamadre, Si la por caputana ziocane, Hoderr!


Ahh, I love the things I learn from other cultures. :)

Moving on...

Dear Stalker

Dear Stalker,

I have always loved you.

I will miss you,
Koy

I need a cheer up :'(

I keep fooling myself. I always tell myself that everything is going to be okay when it won't because I've already done the worst thing possible in my life. I keep trying to push it to the back of my mind hoping that I will never remember that part of my life but how can I when it was perfect?

I've seen what my future could've become with her. It was all that mattered to me, it still does but it's different now. Biggest mistake of my life? No question.

My perspective of my future has changed. I don't even know if I have a future. When I think about my future, it's all retarded and shit, being all alone.

I have nobody I can do things for, nobody to try to impress, nobody to make me smile. I've tried moving on and dating others but I can't seem to get past some things. I feel like I've been programmed to exist with and along her and it just doesn't work with somebody else. Every time I do certain things with someone, I remember her and how that particular thing I did made her smile and laugh - and that just brings up this massive whole in my chest.

There's no point. My life is pointless. No point anymore.

And I guess life goes on for everybody, including me. I had the chance but I let it slip away. It's all my fault and I will live with that.


I will always have me to pat myself on the back.

giving "I Who Have Nothing" an all-new meaning

So here's the story. I'm now at the last stretch of my year-long jibun de yatte, or self-adventure in the land of the mega earthquakes setting sun. And here's what has been keeping me away from this blog. I am lost. I lost my voice. I lost who I was. I lost the one thing I already knew was right.

Some people go on an adventure like this to "find themselves." At the back of my cojones, I somewhat had that vague idea that I would get to know me at that deep, spiritual, intra-personal level. I guess it didn't work for me.What a crappy truckload of shit. I can't even write a decent blogpost because I don't know how to anymore. The way I think now too is different. Thoughts do not roll out the way they used to. It took 2 hours for me to come up with the few sentences I've written above, and most of those minutes were spent staring at the laptop screen, listless. And then my mind wandered away. I feel like I'm dumbed down.

-The End-
fuck.

今日、やばいやばいやばい！

僕の時計は止まっちゃたので、起きなかった! 問題だよ。。本当に問題。それだから、授業に一時間以上遅いた。その前、十時になったと思っていました。でも、時計を見たら、それから、携帯電話の時間も見たら、違いました。僕は授業に急ぎで行った。

変ですね。とても変な経験だね。。

ᜐᜒ ᜊᜏᜎ᜔ ᜋᜐᜊᜒ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜉᜅᜎᜈ᜔

(If you are seeing boxes, download the Baybayin fonts here. I recommend the tagalog stylized 1992)

ᜊᜓᜆᜒ ᜈᜋᜈ᜔ ᜀᜆ᜔ ᜄᜓᜋᜈ ᜈ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜊᜌ᜔ᜊᜌᜒᜈ᜔ ᜈ ᜉᜄ᜔ᜐᜓᜐᜓᜎᜆ᜔ ᜇᜒᜆᜓ᜶ ᜃᜌ ᜅᜌᜓᜈ᜔ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜐᜒᜈᜒᜋᜓᜎᜈ᜔ ᜃᜓ ᜈ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜉᜄ᜔ᜐᜓᜐᜓᜎᜆ᜔ ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜃ᜔ᜏᜒᜈ᜔ᜆᜓ ᜃᜓ ᜐ ᜏᜒᜃᜅ᜔ ᜉᜒᜎᜒᜉᜒᜈᜓ᜶

ᜊᜆ ᜉ ᜎᜅ᜔ ᜀᜃᜓ ᜀᜎᜋ᜔ ᜃᜓ ᜈ ᜈ ᜋᜒᜇ᜔ᜌᜓ ᜈᜄ᜔ᜃᜃᜄᜓᜐ᜔ᜆᜓ ᜀᜃᜓ ᜐ ᜋᜅ ᜎᜎᜃᜒ᜶ ᜒᜐ ᜐ ᜋᜅ ᜎᜎᜃᜒᜅ᜔ ᜀᜃᜒᜅ᜔ ᜉᜒᜈᜉᜈ᜔ᜆᜐ᜔ᜌᜑᜈ᜔ ᜈᜓᜂᜈ᜔ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜀᜃᜒᜅ᜔ ᜉᜒᜈ᜔ᜐᜈ᜔᜶ ᜑᜒᜈ᜔ᜇᜒ ᜐᜒᜌ ᜋᜐ᜔ᜌᜇᜓᜅ᜔ ᜃᜄ᜔ᜏᜉᜓᜑᜈ᜔ ᜅᜓᜈᜒᜆ᜔ ᜈᜉᜃᜎᜃᜐ᜔ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜇᜆᜒᜅ᜔᜶ ᜐᜒ ᜃᜓᜌ ᜉᜂᜎᜓ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜎᜊᜒᜅ᜔ᜏᜎᜓᜅ᜔ ᜆᜂᜈ᜔ ᜈ ᜈᜓᜅ᜔ ᜀᜃᜓ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜎᜊᜒᜈ᜔ᜇᜎᜏᜅ᜔ ᜆᜂᜈ᜔ ᜉ ᜎᜋᜅ᜔᜶ ᜆᜓᜏᜒᜅ᜔ ᜈᜐ ᜊᜑᜌ᜔ ᜃᜋᜒ ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜀᜋᜒᜅ᜔ ᜎᜓᜎ᜵ ᜃᜓᜅ᜔ ᜐᜀᜈ᜔ ᜈᜃᜆᜒᜍ ᜍᜒᜈ᜔ ᜐᜒᜎ᜵ ᜈᜃᜒᜃᜒᜆ ᜃᜓ ᜐᜒᜌᜅ᜔ ᜏᜎᜅ᜔ ᜉᜅ ᜁᜆᜀᜐ᜔ ᜀᜆ᜔ ᜈᜃ ᜋᜐᜒᜒᜃᜒᜉ᜔ ᜈ ᜋᜂᜅ᜔        ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜑᜅ᜔ᜄᜅ᜔ ᜆᜓᜑᜓᜇ᜔᜶ ᜊᜃᜆ᜔ ᜈ ᜊᜃᜆ᜔ ᜇᜓᜈ᜔ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜃᜈ᜔ᜌᜅ᜔ ᜋᜎᜎᜃᜒᜅ᜔ ᜋᜀᜐ᜔ᜎ᜔ᜐ᜔ ᜐ ᜑᜒᜆ ᜀᜆ᜔ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜃᜈ᜔ᜌᜅ᜔ ᜊᜓᜃᜓᜎ᜔᜵ ᜃᜒᜆᜅ᜔ ᜃᜒᜆ ᜍᜒᜈ᜔ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜃᜈ᜔ᜌᜅ᜔ ᜋᜆᜒᜉᜓᜈᜓᜅ᜔ ᜇᜒᜊ᜔ᜇᜒᜊ᜔᜶ ᜋᜉᜓᜆᜒ ᜐᜒ ᜃᜓᜌ ᜉᜂᜎᜓ᜵ ᜋᜅ 5 9 ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜆᜀᜐ᜔᜵ ᜋᜃᜒᜈᜒᜐ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜃᜈ᜔ᜌᜅ᜔ ᜃᜓᜆᜒᜐ᜔ ᜐ ᜃᜆᜏᜈ᜔ ᜀᜆ᜔ ᜉᜒᜈ᜔ᜃᜒᜐ᜔ᜑ᜔ ᜀᜅ᜔ ᜃᜈ᜔ᜌᜅ᜔ ᜓᜆᜓᜅ᜔᜶ ᜏᜎ ᜐᜒᜌᜅ᜔ ᜋᜐ᜔ᜌᜇᜓᜅ᜔ ᜊᜓᜑᜓᜃ᜔ ᜐ ᜇᜒᜊ᜔ᜇᜒᜊ᜔ ᜅᜓᜈᜒᜆ ᜋᜊᜎᜑᜒᜊᜓ ᜐᜒᜌ ᜐ ᜑᜒᜆ ᜀᜆ᜔ ᜐ ᜁᜎᜎᜒᜋ᜔ ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜉᜓᜐᜓᜇ᜔ ᜈ ᜆᜒᜎ ᜆᜓᜋᜓᜆᜓᜎᜓᜌ᜔ ᜐ ᜃᜈ᜔ᜌᜅ᜔ ᜊᜓᜎ᜔ᜊᜓᜎ᜔᜶

ᜋᜒᜈ᜔ᜐᜈ᜔ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜈᜃᜒᜃᜒᜉᜄ᜔ᜎᜍᜓ ᜐᜒᜌ ᜐ ᜀᜋᜒᜅ᜔ ᜋᜄ᜔ᜉᜒᜈ᜔ᜐᜈ᜔᜶ ᜋᜒᜈ᜔ᜐᜈ᜔ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜈᜄ᜔ᜑᜑᜊᜓᜎᜈ᜔ ᜃᜋᜒ ᜐ ᜎᜊᜐ᜔ ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜊᜑᜌ᜔ ᜈᜒᜎ᜶ ᜈᜀᜄ᜔ᜆᜆᜄᜓᜀᜈ᜔᜶ ᜈᜄ᜔ᜉᜉᜐᜑᜈ᜔ ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜊᜓᜎ᜶ ᜈᜄ᜔ ᜂᜂᜅ᜔ᜄᜓᜌ᜔ ᜂᜅᜄᜓᜌᜈ᜔᜵ ᜎᜍᜓ ᜐ cards ᜈ ᜃᜓᜅ᜔ ᜐᜒᜈᜓᜅ᜔ ᜋᜆᜎᜓ ᜉᜉᜑᜒᜍᜈ᜔ ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜉᜓᜎ᜔ᜊᜓᜐ᜔ ᜐ ᜋᜓᜃ᜔ᜑ᜶ ᜑᜊᜅ᜔ ᜐᜒᜌ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜈᜃᜒᜃᜒᜉᜄ᜔ᜎᜍᜓ ᜐ ᜀᜋᜒᜈ᜔᜵ ᜑᜎᜆᜅ᜔ ᜑᜎᜆ ᜋᜓ ᜈ ᜉᜍᜅ᜔ ᜉᜒᜈᜀᜄ᜔ᜊᜒᜄ᜔ᜌᜈ᜔ ᜈᜒᜌ ᜃᜋᜒᜅ᜔ ᜋᜅ ᜋᜐ᜔ ᜈᜃᜊᜊᜆ ᜈᜒᜌᜅ᜔ ᜉᜒᜈ᜔ᜐᜈ᜔᜵ ᜃᜐᜒ ᜅ ᜈᜋᜈ᜔ ᜋᜐ᜔ ᜋᜆᜈ᜔ᜇ ᜈ ᜐᜒᜌ᜔ ᜐ ᜀᜋᜒᜈ᜔᜶ ᜈᜀᜎᜎ ᜃᜓ᜵ ᜈᜓᜂᜈ᜔᜵ ᜃᜉᜄ᜔ ᜈᜃᜒᜃᜒᜉᜄ᜔ᜎᜍᜓ ᜐ ᜀᜋᜒᜈ᜔ ᜐᜒ ᜃᜓᜌ ᜉᜂ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜋᜇᜎᜐ᜔ ᜈᜒᜌ ᜀᜃᜓᜅ᜔ ᜉᜊᜒᜍᜓᜅ ᜑᜓᜑᜓᜊᜍᜈ᜔ ᜈᜅ᜔ ᜀᜃᜒᜅ᜔        ᜃᜉᜄ᜔ ᜈᜄ᜔ᜑᜑᜊᜓᜎᜈ᜔ ᜃᜋᜒᜅ᜔ ᜋᜄ᜔ᜉᜒᜉᜒᜈ᜔ᜐᜈ᜔᜶ ᜈᜁᜁᜈᜒᜐ᜔ ᜀᜃᜓ ᜐ ᜄᜒᜈᜄᜏ ᜈᜒᜌᜅ᜔ ᜌᜓᜈ᜔ ᜀᜆ᜔ ᜊᜎᜅ᜔ ᜀᜍᜏ᜔ ᜀᜌ᜔ ᜄᜄᜈ᜔ᜆᜒ ᜍᜒᜈ᜔ ᜀᜃᜓ᜶ ᜑᜒᜑᜒᜑᜒ

私の将来

私は、将来、科学者になりたいと思っています。子供の時、いつも私は山に登ったり、海に泳ぎに行ったりしました。父は私に冒険を見せて、連れて行きました。私たちは毎週、海に行って、スノーケルをしました。水面下で本当にきれいな景色がありました。コーラルと魚はとても色彩に富んでいました。山に登った時、時々私たちは湖を見つけました。冒険は痛快だし、面白いし、楽しかった。ですから、科学者になりたいと思っています。


今、私は日本で日本語と生物を勉強しています。この経験は私が科学者になるのを手伝うと思います。それから、卒業の論文のために、私は試験に応募しています。貰うように、私が早く応募してもいいと思っています。その他にも、ボランティアしなくてはいけません。学生の間に、たくさんボランティアをしてみたいです。ボランティアは必要なことだと思います。最近、私は生物について本を読んだり、生物について面白いことを見つけたりしています。動物の中で、私は海の動物が一番好きです。自分の国に帰る時、スクバダイビングをするつもりです。これも必要なことと思います。


今、私は留学生です。留学しているのは本当にいいと思います。でも、留学しているのは高くつくことができます。私は去年に留学すればよかった。


私の夢幻を起こったら、、いつも私は嬉しくて、大学で働きます。そして、絶滅危惧種をたすきます。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　以上です。

I hate to say it but...

Something today made me think.

The Philippines isn't the safest place in the world. I know that. Everyone knows that. I don't want to sound bad, but after having lived in Japan for quite a while now, I look at home and see a hostile world. Especially Manila. No one is safe. The only thing that saves one from being tragically murdered is overpopulation. In a scientific sense, there is safety in numbers. But still, the fact that anyone could just get stabbed seven times because a criminal wants your car, as in the case of Pilar Pilapil recently; or a maid you hired that you thought you could trust would turn against you and shoot you and your girlfriend dead in your own house and steal everything as in the case of Alexis Tioseco and Nika Bohinc; or even the occasional vehicular accident whether caused by someone's carelessness or not as in AJ Perez; is a scary thought. Dare I mention the Maguindanao massacre in Mindanao. Just look at countries in South East Asia. Comparing isn't encouraged, but if one looks at the preferences of tourists on which country to go to, the Philippines often lands around the bottom of the list. One factor is its geography. It is not nestled near any other country unlike in the Indochina region. One has to really want to go to the Philippines to get there as it requires a completely different travel approach. But more particularly, foreign tourists see it as a hostile world. How do I know? Because I've heard them talking about it. Being away from the Philippines and living in an international community has given me access to how other foreigners see my country. It has been a struggle trying to change their perspectives of a poverty-stricken, dangerous, developing country. It has been a challenge. I keep saying that that is not the general case, in fact, the Philippines is a wonderful country, and an amazing host to tourists. But then again, news of tourists robbed or mugged by hungry criminals keep on coming. When I and a couple of my friends from around the world gather, the conversation often leads to one's own countries. But nobody really cares about the Philippines that much. It could be that I am doing such a bad job at introducing it to them, but what I'm saying is they already have this preconceived idea of how it is there. When it becomes my turn to talk about the Philippines, I do not have the flurry of talking about how British people gobble down fish n' chips everyday and think it's hilarious, or say oh, you should visit Moscow and visit the Kremlin, or just be there and say I'm American and everything is understood. I usually end up teaching them the proper way of holding one's bag when walking through a crowded sidewalk or in the mall in the Philippines, or how do not talk to strangers is the golden rule on Colon street, or when I tell them that they should go to the Philippines, they would say something like wouldn't we get shot there? or something to that effect and here's me trying say that that will never happen. Of course I couldn't be sure. I know this isn't only limited to the Philippines but the image of the Philippines to some isn't pretty. Not even the amazing beauty of a scenic Palawan beach can overlap the strong image of a mega-capital surrounded by hectares of rundown shanties with dangerous neighborhoods. Not even the enticement of a lovely dive adventure can erase the image of a completely random foreigner like Nika Bohinc shot multiple times. I remember in one of my CWTS classes, the Dumaguete chief of police was invited to give the lecture. I clearly remember the topic: How to be unpredictable so as not to be a target of criminals. He mentioned about incorporating in your weekly routine a constant change in the time you get out of the house, the time you get in, and the route you take so as not to become a potential victim for criminals who often look for patterns to predict your next move. I never really gave it much thought until I realized that we were taught how to evade criminals in our day to day lives! In Japan, nobody bothers about such things. Heck, one can frolic in the wee hours of the morning anywhere without anything happening to them. Crimes are rare. In other words, the Japanese are naive about any sort of danger and here we are in the Philippines living with the constant threat of death. I mean come on, this shouldn't be happening at all! Being taught about trying to be unpredictable in college isn't encouraging a well-lived life at all.

I would like to believe this is all not true. I would like to believe that the Philippines is a wonderful country PERIOD. I know how blessed it is with natural wonders but put in an unsustainable population and a useless pathetic corrupt government and you have what I'd like to call an unfortunate beauty. To see is to believe, others would say, but in this case, nobody would dare without his or her life being threatened. That's just the way it is here. I can't find any other to blame but the government. What are they really doing with all those fancy ranks and titles anyway? Selfish gits.

I could be very wrong about this. I might've interpreted things the wrong way or what but I just wanted to put this down. I am heartbroken about the ineptitude of our leaders right now. Those who try to break the norm gets murdered. Those who know better are afraid. There are those young ones I know who can do great things and we can't wait for those in positions now to die and be replaced by them. The waves may still be calm, but the earthquake has already happened within many of us. The tsunami of change will follow soon. Time for me is running out. I want to see a country free from nega vibes (lol) but I don't think it will happen in my lifetime. I do not want to be just a spectator to the movement for change. I too will help with the push, but only in the far corner of my field of work.hehe

I need to make sense of everything pa..lol

I Hear Them

I just had to write down some things in my mind. I’ve been translating many interviews from Tagalog into English about the comfort women during the Second World War.

The way she talks about what happened to her is so vivid. She talks about it in present form, and it’s as if her gaze goes far beyond the ruins of Fort Santiago. She becomes transported to those days where she was a captive by the Japanese military men for 6 months. She was raped, everyday. Sometimes up to 6 men would take turns raping her. She called them salbahe. They would just be laughing around her, watching as one guy made his way in her. There was nothing she could do. She wanted to fight back, I saw that strong will in her in the interview, but it could mean death if she did. She kept repeating how the Japanese men were little men. But she was afraid they would drag her to death. And they forced her to watch as they tortured her husband. She gave gruesome details about it. She said they struck his husband’s face with the bayonet, slashing his face in half.

And the way she talks about it, you could feel that it really did happen and she was there, but she just ticked these details off when asked. She was very old. She said something like how she grew old like this, and said she even wanted to just die. It was heartbreaking. And in all of this, she is just asking for justice. That’s all, like many of the comfort women out there. I look at her eyes and see the life she had then. There is no trace of giving up in her gaze, but of resolve. She would look around her and then say something like it was there were they piled up the Filipinos they killed. Or it was here where they tied my husband by the feet and tortured him. She had seen so much and yet I am still to comprehend what she went through.

I cringe in the details these women have said. There is this whole other side most people do not know about the war and I get front row seats to hear them from the primary sources.

She got it Right

"Children deprived of love will dwell on magic."


by Barbara Kingsolver 


in Animal Dreams

big J

It's not because of the recent tragedies that befell Japan that I wasn't able to blog in the past couple of weeks (although it has been sort of the reason for the past few days). Rather,I traveled and still am traveling extensively throughout much of the southern half of Japan and lucky for me I chose this part of the country to travel around, otherwise if I went up north, I would still be in an evacuation shelter or worse, I would've been flown home which I dread.

Right now, I'm all alone in the room spending my time to reintroduce myself to the things I missed doing when classes were still on. And now that I have a 6 week long spring break to do whatever the hell I want, I chose to spend it around the Kansai and Chugoku areas of Nihon. I was only supposed to spend 10 days of travel, but thanks in part to the, wait for it, Great Tohoku earthquake and the ensuing tsunami and radiation scare, I immediately came back here in Hiroshima after my return to Tokyo as it was incredibly tense up there with the many unknown things that could happen at any second. Just for the record, I am not fleeing and I am not saying that Tokyo is as dangerous as how the stupid blabber-mouthed attitude of the media is trying portray the tragedy, but it is spring break and I intend to travel as much as my funds allow. Not that I have a lot, the tragedy has already taken a toll on my financial security. :(

Nonetheless, it has been a worthwhile experience. I was luckily miles away when the earth's crust slid past each other and displaced Japan a few meters to the east. I was at the Hiroshima peace memorial museum the moment it struck, and I only found out a few minutes later when my mom called all the way from the Philippines asking me how I was. What she told me sounded unbelievable at that time. She said that an earthquake struck in Japan, and that there already was a raging tsunami meters high. In the middle of the sad museum, she told me that. Of course I didn't believe her immediately. Moms often have the tendency to exaggerate things when hysterical, so I politely accepted what she said and assured her I was 100% alright and safe. That night in the hostel, I was flooded with images in the news of toppling offices and raging waters. Things I thought that only happened in movies  can actually happen in real life, and that my mom was actually telling the truth. But enough of that. That's not what's bothering me much now. There are more..

I just learned something that broke my heart. I will not divulge the specifics. I thought it would be okay. Turns out I'm jealous when I shouldn't be.

Just this for now. I'll think about the rest first before posting them here.




Fuck this feeling.

Books I am Lovin'

I didn't think my book choices would lead me on to something important. Recently, I have been reading a string of natural history books and neither one or the other affected how I chose them from the magnificent collection of offerings in the library. I just chose them out of pure interesting quality. Later on after starting on the third book, I realized that their topics are related. I first began reading The Beak of the Finch: A Story of Evolution in Our Time by Jonathan Weiner which wonderfully narrated the adventures of Biologists Peter and Rosemary Grant in the island of Daphne Major, one of the islands of the famous (and rightly so) Galapagos archipelago. The book won the Pulitzer Prize for its sheer brilliance of making a jargon-filled and complex technical topic into a relatively easy read for the masses. But it's not just its transcendence to the masses that makes it so special, but the effort behind the chronicles and journals of this writer on the research outputs of the two scientists magnifying what used to be issues only talked about in the small circle of the science world - that makes it all the more a book even the most rigid scientist will enjoy reading. Peter and Rosemary's research centers on the dynamic process of evolution of the Galapagos finches. Their evolution, unlike most, is observable in that it happens in every few years with the right amount of external pressure and what not. Although this isn't truly the evolution one might think - like the complete change of one species to another, it is rather a snip of that bigger event, a unique natural phenomenon that rarely can be seen. I now have new idols to look up to. The way both Peter and Rosemary analyzed every minute detail - to a fraction of a millimeter change in the depth of a finches beak - is inspiring.I have now ordered my own from Amazon. It is that good that I need one for future referencing. 

The book I read after that was Lonesome George: The Life and Loves of a Conservation Icon by Henry Nicholls. Lonesome George is a famous giant turtle if you know your basic biology and conservation. The book centers on the discovery of the last remaining turtle of its kind from the island of Pinta in the Galapagos. George is the only remaining specimen of his kind, and the efforts of many scientists trying to fruitlessly find another of his kind and their non-stop brainstorming on how to save his species have been highlighted. There have been those who endlessly trekked back again and again to the island of Pinta just to make sure if there still are more turtles left but all to no avail. There have been those talking about cloning lonesome George, or collecting his sperm and cryogenically store it until they find a suitable, genetically- close female for him to sire. Lonesome George is still in the Galapagos, visited by thousands of tourists every year who feel for his loneliness and plight. Working on acquiring one yet again for my own library.

I am currently reading The Song of the Dodo: Island Biogeography in an Age of Extinction by David Quammen. Not far from the beginning and just like the previous books I've read, I'm hooked. I'm such a sucker for well-written nature/natural history books. As little as I've gone through with this book as of current, I again noticed that hint of Galapagos touch. Even from the complete title, it talks about island biogeography. And it seems to me that this particularly new field is haunting me. Having lived on two completely different island worlds, I have to say that I have the backings of one born to a wild goose and growing up into a wild goose. This is for me, and the formidable and familiar topic of conservation is just one pillow to my full on cushioned room.

And just for perks, every time I read something about the Philippines, be it the mistake of classifying too early the Cebu flowerpecker as extinct even without due research or just reading about how Alfred Russel Wallace contemplated  on going to the Philippines instead of the Malay archipelago on his undeservedly less famous voyage after his South American disaster-slash-adventure, it makes me happy that we are part of this whole game of life and research. I am not aiming for my name to be one up there on every journal conceivable or the topic of books, but just a name worthy of a cause, a glance, and an opinion. I wish..lol

Appropriate, this is isn't it?

I just can't help thinking about the revolutions going on in Northern Africa and the Middle East every time I listen to this song.

This could be what the people over there are doing right this very minute.

Something totally forced and random

And just when I thought life couldn't get any better, 一万円 an ichimanen came my way!
That is roughly equivalent to 5000Pesos. I mean, where could one get that much money for a week's worth of work, huh?

And then I realized I'm in Japan. An ichimanen is more or less just around 500Pesos. What a shame.

Now off I will rant...

Studying language is a harbinger for lame writing. Whenever I feel like writing, like now, I often stumble upon uninitiated word confusion in my head. Every time I try to think of clever things to write, nothing comes up but a jumble of Japanese Kanji floating around, disassembling into a swirl of character radicals I cannot even remember how to read. I feel like a retard. Like I have dyslexia. And it isn't pleasant at all. Before I began studying Japanese, it was easy for me to think in English and write what I thought down immediately. It was natural. But with this additional burden of character recognition and a completely out of this world grammar order, add to that new vocabularies, I might as well give up on life.

Funny thing though. I can speak a good enough Japanese when necessary, like when I'm outside the University. But what I'm really surprised about is how my accent has changed when I speak English considering that I've never been to an English speaking country (no, the Philippines isn't one). I have a pretty decent American accent now which I soo love. I must've learned it from the people around me. Even if my best friends are a Russian and an English, I have unknowingly mastered the American accent. The school harbors around 50% foreign students and majority are Americans. That could be it.

And being Asian and all, mastering the Japanese accent and pronunciations aren't hard for me at all. I feel sorry for my classmates, especially those from America and Germany. They could never get the words right. My Thai classmate can handle it pretty well, and also my Zimbabwean classmates, too. And by the way, I love the diversity in class. It's just freakin' awesome.


[See? I talk in loves and hates and freakin' awesome stuff. Nothing else! and those are forced thoughts mind you. My literary batteries have rusted.]



Totally random continuation..

It is the moment I've been waiting for. The temperature just dropped a high 13 degrees C from a snowy day just three five days ago.  I still saw patches of snow on my way to school this morning even with the rain last night two nights ago. But they won't last long after this pretty warm day. But it'll drop again to a cold negative later tonight according to the forecast.

Well congratulations, I've learned my lesson.

That's all there is to it.

Oh god i can't think of anything clever to say. I am dryed up. Thank you pre-finals week you ass.

Why, I just surprised myself!

In a fit of corporate assimilation, I found loss in normality - and began to write in Japanese.

じゃあ。これから、日本語を書いています。昔々、友達が私に招くんですが、新潟にスキーに行くので、私たちは楽しかったです。行った時、山は白かったです。これを見た。本当に印象的な景色だよ。僕の家族はスキーが好きだと思います。でも、フィリピンでは雪がいつもないので、全然することがない。残念だと思います。　もし、誰でもが日本に来る、私にかけてください。日本の中で、東京にいろいろなところがある。すごく旅行したい。本当にたくさんところに誰でもが幾ので、来てください。今、天気が寒くて、来ないほうがいいですよ。でも、もし、来たら会いましょうね。日本の駅が便利でも、本当に大きいから、誰でもが道に迷うは優しんですが。
そして！来たら、私にフィリピンの物をあげてください。よろしくおねがいします！
い所です！

A Letter to Self

Dear me,

You have grown old. You grew so much in Japan. The differences you noticed when you looked at your pictures from last night with the pictures of when you arrived, are not figments of your want. Those were real. So real that you do not understand. You cannot understand. Like what Mark said that night when you and Genya were hanging out in his room, the first 5 months seemed like everyone was still getting to know each other. Those five months for you were months of growing and changing and understanding the whole lot of done did things. And from now, it is just the pleasure of knowing that you are on this page, scribbled with so much that it begs to calm itself for you. And so from now, Mark and his all-British brotherly genius, stated the sadness of having known the people and trying so much to get as much into each of your relationships as you can. Time is running out. You barely noticed how fast the first half of your adventure flew by. Because for all you know, you might never ever see these people ever again. It will happen. Moscow is 14 time-zones away, Mark's little wee British house near the vicinity of the Prince's grand home which he never fails to mention,oh the British humor, is continents away. Prepare yourself. You think you have prepared yourself, but no, you haven't. They will become shadows of your past, as aptly sung by Valjean in the Attack on Rue Plumet.

That saggy neck you noticed that wasn't there before, you know what that means? You are paranoid.


Awkwardly yours,
Tall order

A Knight Like Any Other Night

Word play intended.


I was trying to get some sleep when flew open the door of my room and Genya stood on my bed with me curled up in the cold. He jumped around and shook me alert.

"What the hell?"

"Let's go to McDonald's!" He said, jumping up and down again.

It was 1 o'clock in the morning.


another night...


"I can't eat this anymore. I'm sick of it." Genya said.

"What is it?" I said.

"Udon and some meat. Eat my meat."

Me: O.o


another night....

Mark imitated some old British woman speaking and by God it was hilarious.

He said, "Oh! It's ma'am as in ham, not mum as in farm!"


Funny shit they are.

Word Miss

Flurries.

That's the word. 

I used the term drizzles to describe snow in a previous post. 

How embarrassing.

Thanks To You

For 3 days, I worked part-time and got payed 8000円!How is that for happiness? And I got my stipend for this month already. At least I can now eat properly. I should have known impulsively buying that dslr was a mistake. I just couldn't wait a few more weeks. But I am happy to say I survived on 5000pesos for 2 weeks in Tokyo! This calls for a huge celebration! *confetti* *fireworks!*

Now on to more work. ichimanen, be mine. muahahaha!

Wednesday, I looked up the weather forecast for Tokyo and it showed snowy drizzles here and there. It became rain only, though. Freezing, fucking rain.

My ears are falling off. They are frozen solid.

I Rock

I just rock. I walked back and forth from the library to the University hall to ERB II with a skip in my step and a huge grin on my face. I am so happy but the reason still evades me. You know how sometimes you just happen to come across an extremely pleasant day to live and you can't help but smile? I even sang along to some lss songs without a care in the world. This Japanese girl who was on her bike had to stop and dismount and look at me as I passed by. Neigh a care i threw at that. I kept on walking and how I loved that feeling. One time, I shared to a group of friends that my way of making myself forget about bad vibes and negative things was to take a walk, look up at the trees and the sky, stop by an awkward place and just sit and observe how wonderful the world is. I sit down on a grassy patch in the park or on the sidewalk, or on a bench. I try to observe the small things surrounding that little space I occupied. I would look at the peeling paint on the back of the bench, or the flower bud that peeks through a bush. When I sit on the grass, I look at the blades and how the dew, or sometimes the frost, happens to be there. Everything has a story to tell. Even these small, almost always neglected things. They make me happy. It usually works for me. Often I would take these long walks and I would get lost which I find to be itself satisfying and fun, too. Instead of the all important bike/自転車, I walk to the grocery or a nearby ramenya/らメン屋 now。 It saves me from the blowing cold when I bike, and I can listen to music without worrying that the police would hound all over me. And I find it helpful to focus my mind.

Today though, the happiness struck me as unusual. I have no reason to be happy. I have literally no money and so I have to live on my own flesh for a while until Tuesday. I had a weird midterms test that I can't tell if I did a good job or not. :) But see? I didn't intentionally type in that smiley. It was just automatic. Perhaps I overcame my dissent on several superficial things. The graduation thingy, money, this friend, etc. Or maybe it's just the way it is. When times go rough on you, there will always be that smooth road up ahead. Unless you're going to a dead-end. God, I hope not. 

I deserve it. I just hope they see that (fyi: OT, i just needed to say this). 

I just rock. I can't believe myself.