Here I go again...

This is the second time this week that my heartstrings have been pulled taut.



i never believed i still had the capacity to cry over things i deemed manageable because for one, it has been a long time since i ever felt emotionally suspended.

but i did. i unloaded the heck out of me in my refuge. i submitted to total surrender of this fucking comeuppance.

now, clouds of hard air clump in my chest because again, indispensable things are labeled inappropriately, complicating an already complicated, scheduled life. i am trying hard to keep within myself this debilitating bastard of an order. so hard that it hits me, this is totally ruining my life, and i have no power against it...

i want my life to run differently. but i guess i stop here.