I can't say for myself how it would've been if I instead decided to leave for college because I never experienced it. Although I can imagine living in Manila. Manila is like a second home to me. No, make that like a third home. Cebu would be second. I've been in and out of the capital for a good 5 times in the past year alone (reminds me I should apply for air mileage). It's tough. And pretty expensive, judging from my relative knowledge on local provincial fare.
An entire year away is so much to think about for someone as young as me (I'd like to think of it that way). I know I will have an awesome time in Tokyo. It's just that at this point, I still do not fully believe in it. I'm still trying to get a good grip with the fact that I will be leaving behind my entire 20 years behind, all the good things that happened to me, all the great friendships and the awesome times, and sort of start a new one somewhere far away. I'm anxious. It's like I can't wait already, but at the back of my mind I start to think that there will come a time that I will be home sick. I concede to that. I think it's normal. But it's just weird how I think about some things that have not happened yet, but I know ultimately will happen down the road. This is something about me that I do not fully appreciate all the time. My ability to think too far in the future and set up plans, difficult and trying plans for myself. It puts a lot of pressure on myself, but it really helps a lot in the end. Better than not having a plan at all. Oh God, I'm talking to myself about myself.
Anyway, the past year has been hard on my family, on all of us. My parents have great jobs that they love, but the salary just is't enough to support everyone of us. Imagine three children all in college, all ambitious, and two 3-year old apos craving for the same attention. My older sister, thank God, graduated last summer after five years and a pair of twins after. She's now doing her review for the nursing board exams this coming December. And me, trying to get out of Dumaguete for an adventure of my own, trying all sorts of things out because for me, youth and college won't last forever. And my younger sister, battling with a career crisis early on but finally settling on something she truly wants in life. She's now taking up dentistry in Cebu. Kudos to my younger sister for having the courage to break the norm, and show the rest what we can do. You see, my family is weird. They don't like to stray too far. My sister is the only one among all of us cousins to actually get out of Dumaguete for college. I'm next.
Well, part of the reason why I was initially so psyched about applying as an exchange student was because of the money. The scholarship offers a lot, imagine, 40k a month! Now where can yo find something that big in the Philippines? I'm planning to live on cup noodles just so I can save enough to get me through a master's degree I'm planning to take in Europe. I said we were ambitious. I wanted to lessen the load of my parents. But the way to my Japan excursion wasn't what I expected. I thought that I would just apply, get endorsed and then fly off to japan. But it wasn't that way. There were a lot of processes I had to endure, and payments I had to do! All in all, it just seemed like the amount I had to pay to get everything set would equal one sem's tuition. It's like I still enrolled for the first semester at the end of the day. But I promised myself I had to repay them afterwards. They did a lot for me and for my sisters. They bent their backs just to get us to decent schools.
I only have a few more days to prepare before I finally leave for a good one year. But I am so not prepared yet. I don't have a suitcase yet. I still have to buy one. I still have to prepare my winter wardrobe. My fundamental needs, too. I still have a long way to go before I officially leave. That reminds me, I need to ask for an informative copy of my transcript in case I need it.
Dorm arrangements good.
Plane ticket good.
Visa on the way.
Me, not good.
