Earthquakes: Literally and Figuratively

Everyday, there is always one relatively strong quake that happens. In the past few days, earthquakes have become my alarm clock. They shake just at that moment when I'm cradling the boundary of consciousness and deep slumber. One shook the whole of me again today. Sometimes it starts as a strong jolt and goes on as a smooth, paced movement and fades silently into undetectable tremors. You will know there is still an earthquake if you steady your head on the wall and observe a half-opened closet door, swing slowly back and forth. At other times, it begins like the small shivers I frequently felt back in the Philippines, and then it gradually builds into that strong and steady quake. I am all used to it now after going through hundreds of aftershocks after that big one on that afternoon of the 11th of March.

Funny story. One time, Mark wanted to ask his Japanese roommate something but his roommate was still asleep. Mark decided to wake him up. Having not grown-up in Japan, he didn't realize how his next action was not the best thing to do in that circumstance. So, without any mischief in mind, he shook his roommates bed to wake him up. His roommate sprang from the bed at lightning speed thinking that an earthquake shook his bed. He looked up and realized Mark was standing in front of his bed with a shocked face, a very surprised face. Mark, innocent at this point, was taken aback. He didn't know what he just did merited a weird reaction like that until he realized he was in Japan and earthquakes are sort of imprinted in everybody's minds. His poor Japanese roommate's soul probably took flight then and there. haha Tsk tsk, or should I say, tut tut.This would never happen anywhere else in the world.

Enough about earthquakes. There's been a greater calamity happening here in Japan and it's not the danger of a radiation leak. Neither is it an impending tsunami. It lies nestled inside my chest, heavy and lost.

This isn't about my big J post or anything. In fact, I have recovered from that already. Just today, I realized how pathetic it was for me to be jealous when I was the one who wanted to break up. I still regret doing it but it is done. She has moved on and I should do the same. And I SHOULD feel happy for her new relationship. I still look back at our relationship and it was beautiful. She was beautiful, even more so today.

I am ambitious. I can't quite emphasize this fact enough. I am by no means the best at anything but I have that drive and passion to pursue what I want. Or at least that's what I think. In a few days, I will know if I have reached another milestone in my university life. A good chunk of my passion is traveling and as cliche as it may sound, I want to see the world. For me to do this, I have to work hard for it and this means taking a lot of my energy and a significant part of my life and channel them solely to achieving what I want to achieve for myself. Writing that down, I feel like it sounds a bit selfish but well, One's gotta do something in his life. Another thing I see that I must give up: the constant presence of the familiar, of the people I love. And this also means a girlfriend. I can't make myself force anybody to be with me all the time to everywhere I might go in the near future. Especially that they also have dreams of their own.

But for today, it just sucks.