I need a cheer up :'(

I keep fooling myself. I always tell myself that everything is going to be okay when it won't because I've already done the worst thing possible in my life. I keep trying to push it to the back of my mind hoping that I will never remember that part of my life but how can I when it was perfect?

I've seen what my future could've become with her. It was all that mattered to me, it still does but it's different now. Biggest mistake of my life? No question.

My perspective of my future has changed. I don't even know if I have a future. When I think about my future, it's all retarded and shit, being all alone.

I have nobody I can do things for, nobody to try to impress, nobody to make me smile. I've tried moving on and dating others but I can't seem to get past some things. I feel like I've been programmed to exist with and along her and it just doesn't work with somebody else. Every time I do certain things with someone, I remember her and how that particular thing I did made her smile and laugh - and that just brings up this massive whole in my chest.

There's no point. My life is pointless. No point anymore.

And I guess life goes on for everybody, including me. I had the chance but I let it slip away. It's all my fault and I will live with that.


I will always have me to pat myself on the back.